When I am dating, I love the early stages when a new guy or girl is texting you and you are both arranging dates. What I hate is at any moment I could be left wondering if they are actually into me or not.
I am sure a lot of us recognise the feeling of this. Maybe they have stopped arranging dates, the messages aren’t rolling through and the period of time between each conversation is getting longer and longer. Whatever it could be, your intuition kicks in and all that doubt in your mind explodes.
I have been thinking about a lot of past relationships recently, being in one at the moment, it has given me the opportunity to reflect on why things went wrong in the past. Bottom line is a lotta fuckboying was involved.
What gave me the urge to write this post is because at this stage in my life and current relationship I know I am not with a fuckboy, but a good’n. Crazy, I know right? They do exist.
When dating somebody new, you immediately think they could have the potential to be a fuckboy. One bad experience and everything that comes after is ruined. We’ve all be there. This is how modern dating works. From reflecting on past relationships and where I am at now these are some of the things that I would recommend when dating someone new.
Just because you have been with one fuckboy don’t assume everyone else you date after will be one. We’ve all been there. You have been hurt from a previous break up, ghosting or straight up pie, but don’t assume that every person you will meet after this experience will be like the last. You have to be open minded with new people and not compare them to previous partners, which leads me to my next point-
It is important to not blame your new partner for things that have happened in the past and don’t compare your new guy/gal from what past experiences have happened. Of course all of these points interlink or perhaps contradict one another. This is not a post which gives advice or prevents every guy or gal you meet not being a fuckboy. It probably won’t help you at all.
In the beginning a fuckboy will seem charming, different from the rest and everything you hope someone to be. A fuckboy will pay for dates, do everything right and say everything that you want to hear. They will tell you how special you are and that you are one of a kind and you will believe them. You will trust them and you’ll think that this one is different, everything from here on out is going to change.
Until they change their mind and ghost. They do not do commitment and of course they will be done with you once things become a little more intense, too intense for their liking and its over before its started.
Before this happens I have compared a fuckboy to a goodboys response in different scenarios.
A fuckboy will text you for one reason, that reason being sex. They’ll only be interested in meeting in the evenings wondering if you want to Netflix and Chill and never recommend any daytime activities –of course if only it means coming over at the house.
A goodboy will have actual conversations with you and the conversation will show interest in what you are doing and how your day is going.
A fuckboy will be interested in meeting in the evenings, probably out for a meal or drinks then ask about staying the night. Sometimes it won’t even be that but will be staying at your house or theirs to ‘watch films’.
A goodboy will be willing to take you out on a real date, not just a Netflix date but maybe for dinner or a fun activity.
A fuckboy will almost never talk about their friends that are girls or even guys for that matter which will concern you. You talk about your friends but will get nothing in return and they will most likely not be interested in meeting your friends.
A goodboy will talk about their friends, ask about yours, will want to meet yours and introduce you to theirs when the time is right.
A fuckboy will never let you see their phone. I don’t mean you wanting to scroll through trying to find information -if that’s what you do- but meaning allowing you to ask questions about a photo they have just received, a message they just got from a mate or a notification popping up from an app. A fuckboy will certainly ask you questions about what’s going on in your phone but god forbid it is the other way around.
A inspiration for writing this post was a post that I read on Thought Catalog: 10 things that happen when you meet a good guy after a toxic relationship
I would highly recommend giving this a read as it put so many things into perspective for me.